What is the Best Prostate Massager for Beginners?

At a Glance

• Best prostate massager for first-timers: Tomo. It's slim (1.2 inches thick), curved, has a flared base, and its come-hither motion does the finger work for you.
• Want it hands-free? Get Tomo with the remote. It's the same toy, plus a wireless remote.
• What to look for: body-safe silicone, a slim and curved shape, a flared base, and motion you can start slow.
• Lube: water-based only with silicone toys.
  

The best prostate massager for beginners is slim, curved, made of body-safe silicone, and has a flared base so it can't slide in too far. Our pick is Tomo, our come-hither prostate massager: 1.2 inches thick, 3.5 inches insertable, with a curling motion that strokes the P-spot the way a finger would, plus a second motor that works your perineum from the outside.

That combination matters for a first toy. Most first-timers struggle to find the P-spot and to stay relaxed while they look for it. A curved shape finds it for you, and the motion keeps the stimulation going while you lie back and let your body catch up.

Our Top Picks for Beginners

Start with Tomo. If you already know you want hands-free play, get it with the remote. Thor is on this list as the next step, not as a first toy.

Tomo: the one we point first-timers to

Tomo's shaft is slim and tapered, so insertion is easy, and the curve puts the head right where the prostate sits. The internal come-hither head and the external perineum head run on separate motors. That means you can start with external vibration only, add the internal motion when you're ready, or run both. The flared base stops it from going in too far. You can also get it with the wireless remote. You can change speed and mode without reaching behind you, which makes it much easier to stay relaxed. 

Thor: the step up

Thor is our rotating prostate massager, and it's the most powerful toy we make. At 1.7 inches thick, though, it's a lot for a first session. Get comfortable with Tomo, then size up. If you're torn between the two, our Tomo vs. Thor comparison goes through the differences.

Vulcan: for couples and wearable play

Vulcan is our vibrating prostate plug, and it's a different kind of toy from Tomo. It doesn't use come-hither motion. Instead, a curved shaft rests against your prostate while built-in cock and scrotum rings keep it in place, so it's hands-free without you holding anything. The wireless remote controls the vibration, which makes it easy to hand to a partner. 

What Should You Look for in Your First Prostate Massager?

Look for five things, roughly in this order: body-safe material, a slim size, a curved shape, a flared base, and motion you control. Everything else is a bonus.

• Material. Medical-grade silicone is non-porous, phthalate-free, and easy to clean. Skip anything that doesn't list its material at all, because it's very likely they're hiding something.
• Size. For a first toy, stay around an inch and a quarter thick or less. You can always go bigger. Starting too big is the most common reason first sessions go badly.
• Shape. The prostate sits about two to three inches in, toward the front of the body. A curved tip reaches it without you having to angle the toy yourself.
• A flared base or external arm. This one is non-negotiable. Anything that goes in the butt needs a base that keeps it from going in all the way, and it gives you something to hold on to when you take it out.
• Motion and settings. Several speeds or modes let you start low. A wireless remote is optional, but it's the difference between holding the toy in place and lying back.
• Practical stuff: waterproof (easier to clean) and USB rechargeable.

For a deeper look at how motors, shapes, and motion types work, read the GIDDI prostate massager guide.

Vibrating or Come-Hither: Which Is Better for a First Toy?

Come-hither motion with vibration is the easiest place to start. Vibration on its own spreads sensation around the area, which feels nice but doesn't always land on the prostate. Come-hither motion presses and strokes the gland directly, the same movement you'd make with a finger.

Tomo does both come-hither and vibration: the motion inside, and vibration on the perineum outside.

Silicone, Glass or Steel?

Silicone is the easiest material to start with. It's soft and has a little give, and it warms to body temperature quickly. Glass and stainless steel are rigid and smooth, need less lube, and hold temperature well, but they're unforgiving if you push or tense up. Most of them don't vibrate, so the movement comes from you. Plenty of people love glass toys. They just make a better second toy than a first one.

How Do You Use a Prostate Massager for the First Time?

Go slow, use a lot of water-based lube, and start with external stimulation before anything goes in. Here's the order:

1. Prep. Empty your bowels, shower, and trim your nails if you plan to use fingers. If you want extra peace of mind, read up on anal douching first.
2. Get comfortable. Lie on your back with your knees up, or on your side. Give yourself time with no interruptions.
3. Warm up on the outside. Massage your perineum (the patch of skin between your balls and your anus) with your fingers or with Tomo's external head. An external prostate massage relaxes the muscles and gets blood flowing.
4. Lube the toy and yourself. Use a water-based lube. Silicone-based lube breaks down silicone toys over time, so don't use it with Tomo or Thor. The best lube for anal sex breaks down your options.
5. Insert slowly. Breathe out as you push in, and stop if anything hurts. Our guide on how to insert a prostate massager covers angles and positions.
6. Start on the lowest setting. Let the toy sit for a minute before you turn anything on. Then build up.
7. Clean it afterward. Warm water and toy-safe soap, then dry it fully. More in how to clean sex toys.

What Mistakes Do First-Timers Make?

• Going too big. A girthy toy on night one usually means discomfort and giving up. Size up later.
• Skimping on lube. The butt doesn't make its own, so use more than you think you need, and reapply.
• Rushing. If you feel tight, wait. Forcing it is how sessions end early.
• Tensing up while chasing the orgasm. Prostate orgasms build slowly. Plenty of guys feel "just pressure" the first few times, and that's normal. If you want to know what to expect, read what a prostate massager feels like.
• Using silicone lube on a silicone toy.

What Do First-Time Users Say?

From reviews on the Tomo product page:

"I was hesitant at first, but it became very pleasurable. The hands-free design a must. just lay back and relax." (R.A., Jacksonville)"My first time was a bit of a learning curve ...but in a good way... Figuring out the right combination of 'come hither' and vibration that really got me going was part of the fun." (B.N., Weston)

Prostate Massager FAQs

Is a prostate massager safe for beginners?

Yes, as long as it's made of body-safe material, has a flared base, and you use plenty of lube. Go slow and stop if anything hurts. Pain means slow down, not push through.

Does it hurt the first time?

It shouldn't. It might feel odd or full at first, but it shouldn't hurt. Discomfort usually comes from too little lube, going too fast, or a toy that's too big.

What size should a beginner start with?

Around 1.25 inches thick or less, with 3 to 4 inches insertable. Tomo is 1.2 inches thick and 3.5 inches insertable.

Vibrating or non-vibrating for a first toy?

Vibrating, ideally with come-hither motion too. Motion and vibration do the work while you relax. Non-vibrating toys are great once you know what you're looking for.

What lube works with silicone toys?

Water-based. Silicone-based lube degrades silicone toys, and oil-based lube can too.

How long should a first session be?

As long as it feels good. Set aside at least half an hour, warm-up included, so you're never rushing. Stop when you're done, not when you think you should be.

Do I need a flared base?

Yes. Anything that goes in your butt needs a flared base or an external arm so it can't slide in all the way. Tomo has one built in.

Ready for Your First One?

Start slim, start curved, and start slow. Tomo checks all three, and it lets you begin with external vibration before you try the internal motion. Once it feels easy, Thor is waiting.

Shop Tomo, our come hither prostate massager. Not sure yet? Take the quiz and we'll match you with one.