Let's talk about spicing up the bedroom with some props. As you may know, toys can be incorporated into solo play. So why not add another element to the mix, such as another lover or two?
Stimulating the prostate – whether through massage, sex toys, and/or pegging – is like slow-dancing. You can slow dance by yourself, but it’s probably easier (and much more fun!) with a partner.
Inviting new toys and massagers into your sex life can already be daunting if you are new to prostate play. Adding sexual tools like prostate massagers to partner play includes much of what we already know about solo play, but adds another person’s kinks, interests, and comfort levels.
Join us while we explore incorporating prostate massagers in partner play. Who knows? You and your plus ones might love it!
What is the Prostate?
The prostate is a gland inside the anus, below the bladder. This gland, conveniently the size of a walnut, has ventricles that are wrapped around an interconnected urethra. This gland produces prostatic fluid, which is the fluid sperm is actually carried with.
The prostate produces a fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen – this is basically the pre-stage of ejaculation. During sexual activity, the prostate will introduce semen into the urethra. So, stimulating the prostate gland may speed up the process, making it even more pleasurable when you finally blow.
Prostate orgasms are significantly different from orgasms achieved through penile stimulation — the most exciting difference to note being the full-body sensation that can wash over every inch from head to toe.
Understanding the Perineum
We can't forget the perineum with all this talk about the prostate. After all, it’s a powerful yet often untapped source of pleasure for anyone with a prostate. The perineum is the fleshy region of the skin between the anus and the testicles. It’s also begging to be touched — with hands or toys.
Stimulate the perineum by applying gentle pressure or stroking sensations. Start with a gentle nudge. Mimic the touches you or your lover prefer in other types of sensual play. Mix it up as you get more comfortable.
Or, go all-in with the best of both worlds: an internal and external prostate massage. The Tomo II Beginner Bundle will help you get there. It has all the things you need to get started. The massager offers both an external perineum massage and internal prostate massage for an intense ending to any night.
Talking to Your Partner About Prostate Toys
Communication is tricky. Speaking with your partner about incorporating prostate toys can be downright uncomfortable. Embrace the awkward. Choose neutral territory and time it right (i.e. after your partner had a stressful day is a no-go).
Break the ice with a joke about that one night things didn’t go as planned. Open up about what you want. Talk to your partner about your interest in using prostate toys and what you have in mind.
You’ll need the green light from your partner on prostate toy play. Let your partner know what you have planned and what you’re hoping to do. Silence is not consent. You need the verbal “green light” here.
Set clear boundaries and ask for consent for any and every sexual activity. Use the “Fries” approach from Planned Parenthood to know you’ve got consent:
- Freely given
Read more about sexual consent here.
How Do I Start With Partner Prostate Play?
Before adding toys and such to prostate play, it is important to start slow. This is not only for the receivers in this process.
Let’s try a spin on Charlie Glickman’s simple guide to prostate massage for beginners. Here’s how to get started (from the POV of the giver, which can also be the receiver!):
- Start by applying a generous amount of lube to the anus. Once applied, slowly introduce one finger into the anus.
- Once comfortably in, try to reach about the first knuckle length slowly.
- Remove the finger, reapply lube to the finger and anus, and reintroduce the finger in an attempt to go deeper.
- Repeat the previous step until the finger reaches up towards the belly button, and keep going until you find what feels like a round bulb (aka the prostate).
- With the finger, gently rub around the bulb to your comfort level (avoid using fingernails!).
- Whether a circular motion or a gentle press, find what the person’s prostate responds to positively.
Self-explore and find out what type of massage works for you or your partner first. Once that is established, try that method out and see if a positive (or even more positive) response comes shortly after.
What Other Sexual Tools Can I Try?
Why don’t we get to the fun stuff? Adding toys into the mix takes some getting acquainted with what you would like to add to play.
Curious about what toys and tools would work well with partner play? Check out these options:
- Prostate massagers
- Remote controlled devices
- Vibrators (including vibrating prostate massager!)
- Penis rings
So let’s get the pleasantries out of the way first. When incorporating toys into prostate play, ask yourself, "What type of play am I willing to get into?"
External or internal, a prostate massager like our Tomo II Come Hither Prostate Massager offers mind-blowing, hands-free orgasms.
Ready to find your match? Take this quiz to help you find the perfect toy for yourself, your partner, or someone special!
How Do I Prep My Anus For Partner Play?
It’s essential to understand the basics when starting any anal play:
- The prostate is close to your urethra and rectum.
- Prostate stimulation might stimulate the urinary tract or bowels.
- Getting comfortable with the sensation may take time.
With those fundamentals in mind, here are a few tips to help prep your anus.
Make sure you clear out your waste system before trying prostate play — this will reduce the chances of making a mess (and not the good kind of mess, either).
That Said, Don’t Be Afraid of Mess
Don’t let the chance of a little mess stop you from experiencing one of the most mind-blowing orgasms of your life. What you and your partner(s) need to understand is that this is natural.
As a general rule of thumb, it is best to use the bathroom before engaging in sex play. It is better when there are not any obstructions in the way of work or pleasure, but if a little ends up coming into the picture, it’s best not to freak out.
Grab the Lube
Finally, lubricant is non-negotiable when it comes to anal play.
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate. We suggest a water-based anal lube for latex condoms, sex toys, and prostate massagers. Use a generous amount and reapply as needed (though you won’t need to reapply very often with our long-lasting anal lube!).
Explore All-Over Touch
Every person is unique and will respond differently to various kinds of touch. The name of the game is exploration. So, take your time discovering your own body as well as your partner's erogenous zones.
Experiment with motion, impact, pressure, texture, and vibration from head to toe. Be sure to keep an open mind, and you may find an unexpected sensation that you enjoy. After all, preferences can change over time.
Keep Intimacy Alive With Prostate Toys
Adding a partner to the mix can result in lovely outcomes and sensations you may not achieve on your own.
At GIDDI, we encourage you to pay attention to what feels good in your own body and listen to your partner’s verbal and non-verbal cues. When unsure, ask questions! Make sure to offer suggestions and create a warm and welcoming space.
Try creating a pleasure rating system that you and your partner can use to grade your experiences to allow you to communicate and safely explore new pleasures together.
Enjoy! We know you will!
Lubrication Practices and Receptive Anal Sex: Implications for STI Transmission and Prevention - ScienceDirect
How does the prostate work? - InformedHealth.org - NCBI Bookshelf