How Mutual Masturbation Can Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

At a Glance

• What it is: Mutual masturbation means you and your partner each pleasure yourselves at the same time, in the same space (or over video call). It’s not a replacement for partnered sex; it’s its own intimate act that gives you a live window into how your partner touches themselves.
• Why it works for couples: Watching someone masturbate is one of the most direct ways to learn exactly what pressure, rhythm, and technique turns them on. That knowledge translates directly to better sex.
• How to bring it up: Frame it as something you’re curious about rather than a direct request. Ask open questions, gauge their reaction, and let the conversation breathe rather than putting pressure on a yes-or-no answer.
• Positions to try: Four specific positions are covered, from Facing Spoons (lying face-to-face for eye contact) to Club 96 (a variation on 69 designed for full visibility). Each has a different intimacy level, so you can start wherever feels comfortable.
• Long distance and toys: Virtual mutual masturbation over video call is covered for long-distance couples, along with prostate massager recommendations that work especially well for hands-free scenarios during shared play.

There are plenty of reasons that it might be time to revamp your sex life. Maybe you and your partner have been together for years, and you feel like you have tried every sex position in the books. Or maybe your partner is going through some health issues, and your sex life needs to adapt to what you and your partner are comfortable doing.

Have you ever really thought about the fact that you and your partner are most likely masturbating in your spare time? Time for self-love is essential and an absolute turn-on, but … can you imagine if you decided to masturbate together?

There are so many ways to incorporate mutual masturbation, including:

• Communicating with your partner
• Adding toys and tools into the mix
• Setting the vibe
• Watching porn to get into the mood
• Trying new positions
• Exploring virtual sex

So, whether you live with your partner or are long-distance, mutual masturbation might be the key to unlocking a new, exciting journey in your sex life. We all know that solo play is a sexy way to learn about your body and even discover a new stroke or erogenous zone.

This can be a great way to explicitly show your partner what you like and where you want it while also learning their favorite strokes, hitting the right spot, and exploring the benefits of prostate massagers.

While it may seem a little scary (after all, masturbating can feel extremely vulnerable), we promise you and your partner may quickly learn that partaking in this vulnerable sexual experience together may deepen your bond and heat things up in the bedroom.

There's also power in owning your sexuality and showing your partner how to get the job done — this can feel so good in more ways than one!

Have we convinced you yet? Let's dive a little deeper into the mechanics and the benefits of this totally-hot sexual experience.

What Exactly is Mutual Masturbation?

Mutual masturbation can take on many forms and look different for every couple. This makes the act so much more exciting because it's all about what makes you and you and your partner feel the best.

At its very basic level, mutual masturbation means that you and your partner are both pleasuring yourselves, at the same time, in the same place (or even on a video call).

Solo play is an ah-mazing way to connect with your own body and find what feels good. So, with mutual masturbation, you can connect with your own body and pleasure yourself, while your partner does it for themselves at the same time!

Talk about intimacy! We already know that masturbation helps reduce stress and releases endorphins, so mutual masturbation can be a great way for you and your partner to get closer and feel happier.

Why You Should Mutually Masturbate

Watching your partner touch themselves feels like you were invited to see a little part of their private world, so sharing can make you feel more connected. It also might be a great option for a quickie.

If you are both in the mood and want to get off but don't have the time for a full sex sesh, mutual masturbation is a perfect way to satisfy the urge while participating in a sexual experience together.

It also can be a refreshing addition to your sex life. Having a long list of moves and activities to do in the bedroom can keep a relationship fresh and exciting (not ruts here!). It can break up the routine and bring back that nervous-but-excited, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling.

Lastly, mutual masturbation is just hot. It's live porn that is free, and you can guarantee that you are turned on by the person you are watching.

How To Bring It Up to Your Partner

The same goes for any sexual activity: communication is key! In fact, studies show that couples who communicated healthily about sex more were more likely to be relationally and sexually satisfied.

The easiest way to start a conversation is to bring it up as an interest of yours, rather than immediately asking the question and making your partner feel surprised or pressured. Perhaps, you could mention that it is something you have been thinking about, seen on porn, or heard about and are curious to try.

You could ask questions like, “Does that sound exciting to you?” “Have you ever thought about it?” or “Does anything about this idea turn you off?”

Getting a gauge of how your partner is feeling can lead to a productive, understanding conversation.

If you are in a safe and loving relationship, you should never feel scared to bring up your wants or needs. While you should never feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do, nor should you pressure your partner into anything, you should be able to share your fantasies and desires without fear of judgment.

Toys and Tools To Use

Bring out all the bells and whistles. Another exciting advantage of mutual masturbation is the number of toys included in the process.

Ever heard of having your cake and eating it too?

With all the prostate stimulation devices we have, you are sure to find a toy that hits the spot (no pun intended) and show your partner a way you like to be stimulated. A cock ring can also fit into this mix by helping maintain erection strength and adding extra intensity during mutual play. Don't be afraid to get creative and show your partner the toys you usually use when you are alone or the toys you dream about incorporating into your sex life.

Check out a few of our favorites here at GIDDI.

The Thor Rotating Prostate Massager, with its snug fit and girthy design, offers up a hands-free design so you can easily get physical. With three rotating head circles and 16 modes of vibrations, the power to control your climax is in your (or your partner's) hands.

For Tomo II Come Hither Prostate Massager, hands-free fun is the name of the game. Use the three-speed remote or the base of the device for targeted internal P-spot stimulation. Nine intense vibration speeds offer up an intense orgasm, and with the sleek, waterproof design, you can take this one to the shower.

Setting the Scene

Now that you know what mutual masturbation is, have a few new toy ideas in mind, and have talked about it with your partner, it's time to try it out!

If you are nervous about trying this out for the first time, your environment is going to play a crucial role. Try to create a safe and comfortable space around you.

Turn on some mood lighting, light vanilla or lavender-scented candles, and have a sexy playlist in the background. Also, be sure there is enough comfortable space for both of you to get a good view of each other.

Porn

Mutual masturbation is also a great time to incorporate porn into your sex life. Watching porn while you both masturbate might comfort any nerves since it takes some of the attention off of you. It also provides extra visual stimulation if you're still learning how to be comfortable watching your partner masturbate.

Positions

Let's talk about positions! If you've got a partner and a willing set of hands, then do we have a list for you. These are some of our favorite positions for couples of any gender.

Facing Spoons

This position is all about eye contact and comfort! The bed is the best place for this move because it needs to be large enough for the both of you to lay down.

Lie on your sides, facing each other, and go to town on yourself! This position also leaves another hand free to stimulate erogenous zones and encourage you and your partner to have some serious, intimate eye contact as you reach climax.

Face-Off

This position feels like a fun power move! Sit on opposite sides of a couch or in two different chairs. Then, pleasure yourself while watching your partner. This position is sexy because you might feel the urge to reach out and touch your partner as you get more turned on and closer to climax.

However, the excitement in this position lies in resisting that urge and staying on your side of the furniture. This position also allows you to make eye contact with your partner or look at different parts of their body or your own body. This might be best if the idea of eye contact while masturbating at the same time still feels a little nerve-racking.

Side by Side

This is the perfect in-between of the facing spoons and the face-off. Again, doing it on a bed would be best. You and your partner lie next to each other but on your backs this time. Then, as you both start to masturbate, your options for where you look or what you do with your other hand are plentiful.

You can touch yourself in other places, touch them, look them in the eyes, look at yourself masturbating, and watch how they touch themselves. This can be a great introduction to mutual masturbation because it allows you and your partner to do whatever makes them the most comfortable.

Club 96

Yup – you've read that right. Move over 69. There's a new position that's worth all the hype. Club 96 is for couples who want to see everything.

With your heads at opposite ends of the bed, lie next to one another with one leg over each other's chest. Gently arrange your position to get an eyeful of your partner while they watch you enjoy your favorite toy or touch.

Online Sex

If you are in a long-distance relationship and haven't tried virtual sex yet, you don't know what you are missing out on! Virtual sex can be the key to keeping the passion alive in your relationship, even though you aren't in the same place.

You can build up anticipation by sexting throughout the day, and you both may be ready for a good orgasm by the time your nightly video chat happens. Play around with camera angles and phone placements.

Our tip is to ask your partner what part of you they want to see, put your phone down, and touch yourself while getting turned on by your partner doing the same thing.

If you feel comfortable, it's also pretty sexy to just watch their face as they get close to a climax. This way, if you want, it's easier for you to imagine the two of you having sex because what is happening below the waist is left to your imagination.

Conclusion

While you embark on this exciting new sexual activity, remember that mutual masturbation is about you. Don't feel pressured to put on a show for your partner or masturbate in a way that you think looks sexy for them. You are the show!

The sexiest thing to your partner may be watching you get off, and you can't do that if you aren't pleasuring yourself the way you know works best.

Don't worry about getting yourself off a certain way or holding anything back. And if you are still contemplating the positions you want to try or the toys you want to use, feel free to take our free quiz and find out what toy might be best for you on your mutual masturbation journey.

You might begin to wonder how you ever masturbated by yourself…