In 2022 – It’s time to finally ditch the fear of incorporating your backside in the bedroom (I’m looking at you, penis owners). It’s time to ditch the stigma, talk about prostates, and put things up your butt!
Although we can be grateful for the social advancements our society has made in the last ten years:
- More knowledge and acceptance of people’s pronouns
- Legalization of gay marriage
- Breaking down the walls of heteronormativity
Why are we still praising toxic masculinity and ancient ideals of manhood?
Men and non-binary people are conditioned to be ashamed of weakness of any kind, whether it’s emotions, crying, or having anything to do with anal play.
With this stigma around exploring your backside (and being afraid that it will “make you gay”), you are missing out on the most intense form of pleasure!
The prostate, conveniently located inside your rectum, can produce earth-shattering, soul-ascending prostate orgasms. So why wouldn’t you want to give it a go?
It’s time to start getting to know your P-Spot!
Read on my fellow explorer and prepare for p-spot paradise!
What Is a Prostate?
As far as practical use, the prostate gland is crucial for reproduction purposes. The prostate makes prostate fluid, which is one of the main components of semen. The muscles of the prostate also ensure that the semen is forcefully pressed into the urethra and then expelled outwards during ejaculation.
The prostate is a small gland about the size of a walnut that is located in the middle of a person’s pelvis, below the bladder, and in front of the rectum. It’s present in people assigned male at birth and is surrounded by nerve endings.
You can feel the prostate by inserting one or two well-lubed fingers into the anus and feeling towards the belly button.
What Else Does the Prostate Do?
Besides being a crucial part of the creation and expulsion of semen, the prostate, or P-spot, is also your go-to spot for intense pleasure!
Because it is loaded with nerve endings, it is incredibly sensitive (in the best way). The prostate gland swells when you are aroused, and many people find that putting direct or indirect pressure on it during sex creates a mind-blowing orgasm!
How To Stimulate the Prostate
Now that I have you convinced that prostate stimulation needs to be incorporated into your life ASAP, it’s time to start figuring out the best way to do it. There are many ways to stimulate your prostate, and they are all equally exciting!
Although the prostate is located three to four inches inside the rectum, it also can be stimulated externally by the perineum. The perineum is the landing strip of skin located between the testicles and anus.
When pressure is applied on the skin to this area of the body, it can indirectly stimulate the prostate and provide some of the same pleasurable effects.
This might be a nice starting point if you are interested in exploring prostate stimulation. Your partner can put pressure on this area while they are performing oral sex or while you are penetrating them. Also, you can obviously explore this area during a solo-play session to figure out where and what feels best.
Another step in prostate exploration requires some fingers! First things first, whether it’s your partner's fingers or your own, make sure they are properly lubed before any anal play. Without proper lubrication, you can run the risk of uncomfortable rubbing or tearing.
Trimming nails and removing jewelry also reduces the risk of internal scratches.
Ask your partner to start massaging the anal area and then slowly slip in a lubed finger or two. You can find the prostate by gently performing the “come-hither” gesture (once the fingers are in, think about moving the finger toward the belly button).
Experiment with different finger motions. Each provide different sensations:
You might feel the sensation of needing to pee – meaning you are in the right spot since the prostate is near the bladder.
You might not orgasm on the first try, but don’t get discouraged! Just like any sexual act, it takes time to figure out what you or your partner enjoys.
Another fantastic benefit of prostate stimulation is the massagers available to help with the process! You can explore a dildo on a strap-on (used for pegging), prostate massagers, butt plugs, or other anal-focused products.
Prostate massagers are a wonderful option because not only are they designed to hit the prostate, some also vibrate, while others deliver life-like motion. Some even do both like Tomo and Thor. These award-winning toys provide insanely pleasurable dual sensations.
A vibrating prostate massager is for people ready to embark on the next, exciting step in their sex life. Just be sure to properly lube the rectum and your toy before embarking in any sexual play, and be kind to your behind!
Don’t Be Afraid of Mess
Sometimes, sex can be messy, and anal play is no exception! Even if you and your partner aren’t worried about STIs, using a condom can help make you feel more comfortable if mess is a concern.
There are a lot of ways to feel confident and keep clean before having anal sex. You can try:
- Wiping down the outside of your butt before sex
- Avoid coffee, caffeine, and laxatives
- Eat plenty of fiber to ensure you’re going to the bathroom regularly
- Avoid eating for a few hours before sex
- Use a lubricated finger or sex toy before you start anal play
Also, since it’s crucial to lube the anus before penetration, some lube might get on clothes or sheets. If you are using a water-based lube, this won’t be a problem at all! Just throw your clothes and sheets in the wash when you are all done, and they will be ready to go for the next round.
If your partner is still hesitant about the mess factor (we all know where poop comes from), there is no shame in utilizing condoms or gloves. When using your fingers for penetration, your partner can put on a pair of latex gloves, which will protect their fingers and block any bacteria from their hands.
Similarly, if your partner is going to be penetrating you from behind, they can always put on a latex condom (which will also prevent the spread of STIs).
Be Open With Your Partner
If you want to introduce prostate stimulation into your sex life with your partner, you have to talk it out with them first. There is no reason to feel scared or intimidated; if you are in a safe, supportive relationship, you can rely on each other for communication before and after play.
Because this might be new to one or both of you, be sure to keep the subject light.
You definitely don’t want this new activity to be scary or frustrating, so just share your interests with them. Tell them where you heard about it, why you want to do it, and ask them if they have any questions or hesitations about it.
There will definitely be things you will need to figure out together, but that can make it even more exciting! After all, sex is meant to be enjoyed, but it also requires patience, consent, and communication.
How the P-Spot Changes Your Orgasm
Orgasms Last Longer
Have you ever wished the pleasure of an orgasm was more than an ultra-quick rush? Then prostate orgasms are your answer!
While penile orgasms can provide a short burst of pleasure, prostate orgasms can give you a longer, eyes rolling to the back of your head, drawn-out, explosive experience.
Also, not only will your orgasms last longer, but you might as well. If you struggle with climaxing too quickly from penile penetration, this might be a great option to explore.
Orgasms Are More Intense
Although penile stimulation orgasms are associated with four to eight pelvic muscle contractions, prostatic massage orgasms are associated with 12 contractions.
While penile orgasms may result in intense pleasure felt in the penis, prostate orgasms can result in a full-body experience. After a prostate orgasm, you will feel it from your racing head to your curled toes.
Prostate stimulation increases blood flow around the genitals. This improved circulation may lead to stronger and longer lasting erections.
Stronger erections can lead to increased confidence, which can result in improved sexual performance. As a result, both you AND your partner may benefit from prostate play!
Multiple Orgasms With Shorter Recovery Time
Don’t you hate it when your partner is ready for round two and you are still in the depths of a post-climax comedown? Well, once again, prostate orgasms are the answer!
Compared to penile orgasms, prostate orgasms often require a shorter refractory period or recovery time in general.
For that reason, prostate orgasms are sometimes associated with the possibility of multiple orgasms. No more time spent waiting around- you will be ready for the back-to-back orgasm experience.
Embrace the P-Spot
At the end of the day, prostate stimulation really is not that big of a deal. It shouldn’t feel scary, and it definitely won’t “make you gay.” It is just a doorway into a new and exciting sexual experience.
You should never feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do. Nor should you pressure anyone else into anything. However, if you feel ready to explore the P-spot, I can almost guarantee you will not regret it.
Just remember to talk it out with your partner, use LOTS of lube, and keep it light!
If you still are unsure what toys are best for you and the kind of stimulation you want, feel free to take our Quiz to find the right massager for you! We all deserve more pleasure in our lives.
How does the prostate work? - InformedHealth.org - NCBI Bookshelf
Normal male sexual function: emphasis on orgasm and ejaculation - NCBI
Prostate-induced orgasms: A concise review illustrated with a highly relevant case study | NIH