How to Prepare for Anal: The Beginner’s Guide
We get it: anal sex can be a little intimidating before you begin. There are so many taboos around the subject, and not enough people share tips and advice about incorporating it into your sex life.
We are here to tell you that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s okay to be nervous. But now’s the time to break the stigma and explore new sexual experiences!
If you’re nervous about trying anal sex, or if this is your first time, you can do a few things to prepare yourself for the experience. Taking the proper steps to get ready for anal play can help you feel safe and relaxed.
These tips can work for anyone, regardless of partner or gender identity — whether they have a penis or plan to wear a strap-on for penetration.
Why Should I Try Anal Sex?
If you were naturally born with a penis, you might be shocked to find out that other parts of your body can lead to an orgasm. The prostate, located just inside the rectum, is highly sensitive and can lead to an orgasm if stimulated. In fact, data suggests that prostate orgasms may even be more powerful and pleasurable than penile-induced orgasms!
Anal sex is not exclusive to people of any sexual orientation or gender. However, for people without vaginas, anal sex allows for penetrative play. Besides the physical pleasure elements of anal sex, it may be a great opportunity to introduce something new in the bedroom.
Although there is plenty of misinformation floating around the internet, researching any aspect of anal sex that you are nervous about or interested in might help you get ready to get down to business. Try to avoid unreliable sources, like hardcore porn or anything that encourages you to do something you are not comfortable with.
The bottom line is that anal sex should be comfortable and enjoyable for all parties involved.
First, Try It Alone
When it comes to first-time anal, feeling a finger, toy, or penis inside can be an unfamiliar sensation.
Practicing anal play by yourself allows you to get used to the feeling and better understand what you like.
Knowing what you like to receive can also allow you to communicate better during sex, and it can even help make you feel more equipped to be on the giving side.
Use Your Fingers
If you want to use your hands to try out anal masturbation, lube your finger properly. Try to avoid holding your breath, and relax your muscles as much as possible.
Once you find the prostate, the pleasure center in the anus, gently perform the “come hither” gesture (once the finger is in, think about moving the finger toward the belly button).
You might feel the sensation of needing to pee. This means you are in the right spot since the prostate is near the bladder.
You can play around with how many fingers feel good, where to put pressure, and find the most pleasurable movements. Once you feel comfortable with anal masturbation, you’ll be more prepared for penetrative sex.
Try a Prostate Massager
Another great way to introduce anal penetration into your life is to use prostate massagers!
Prostate massagers are sex toys that can be used when playing solo or with a partner, and they are designed to fit comfortably in your anus and stimulate your prostate. They can also have a feature that causes them to vibrate, which provides extra pleasurable dual sensations.
One way to stimulate your prostate is to use a vibrating prostate massager, such as our Thor and Tomo II massagers.
After applying a generous amount of water-based lube to the internal head and shaft of the prostate massager, you can slowly insert the head’s tip until the widest point is at the external muscle.
Slowly rock the massager back and forth until the entire head is inside the anus. Slightly twisting the massager from side to side may also help initial penetration.
You can try different positions like fetal position, face down, or doggy style. Do not force it if you experience any discomfort during insertion. Forcing insertion can cause your body to tighten up more.
Check out all the options for people ready to embark on the next exciting step in their sex life.
Talk With Your Partner
The best time to bring up a conversation about sex is when you aren’t having sex. This allows your partner to think clearly and take time to make a decision about their wants and what they’re comfortable doing.
The key to a successful relationship, especially a successful sex life, is communication! If you are ready to introduce anal sex into your relationship with your partner, but you are nervous about bringing it up, there are a few ways you can do it.
If you want to remove yourself from the situation, you can mention to your partner that you saw anal sex in porn, someone talking about it on Twitter, or you remembered a friend mentioning they entered butt-play territory.
After sparking that convo, it gives your partner the safe space to share their experience or thoughts on anal sex. Maybe they already have had anal sex, and you didn’t know!
Or maybe they have been ready to try it in the bedroom, but they have been too nervous about bringing it up.
Studies have even shown that positive, open sexual communication was associated with increased sexual desire, sexual arousal, lubrication, orgasms, less discomfort, and overall sexual function. Time to start talking!
Besides solo play, a few things can get you ready for anal sex. Especially if you are nervous about trying it out, or if this is your first time, you want to be sure you do everything you can to feel prepared.
The first step is to go to the bathroom 30-60 minutes before anal play. This helps ensure that your bowels are empty, and it may also lessen any anxiety you have about a messy outcome. You should also wash your behind with soap and water or use hypoallergenic baby wipes.
If you feel satisfied with this level of cleanliness, there is nothing else you need to do!
If you are looking for the feeling of a deeper clean, you can try anal douching. This may seem intimidating, but you just need to follow a few simple steps. Be sure to do this about one to two hours before any anal penetration.
First, clean the douche you plan to use. Use a safe body soap to rinse off the nozzle, then fill the bulb with warm water. Then you can put the nozzle on the bulb and add your lubricant of choice to the nozzle.
Insert the nozzle and squeeze the bulb once you find a comfortable position, such as sitting on the toilet, lying on your side, or squatting in the tub or over a towel.
Once you have squeezed the water into your anus, hold the water inside for 10 to 15 seconds, and then release it. You can repeat this step a few times if you like.
Once you have done enough rounds (totally up to you how many times), you should immediately clean the nozzle and bulb with a body-safe soap. Let the douche dry, and then store it away.
We all know where poop comes from, so anal sex may initially seem messy or gross, but we promise it’s not. There are plenty of ways to keep your bum ready for play.
A healthy diet can mean better anal sex. Make sure to incorporate the right amounts of protein and fiber into your diet. Protein hardens your poop, and fiber makes pushing it easy and painless. Eating fiber also helps lead to regular bowel movements, eliminating the risk of surprises in the bedroom.
Avoid coffee, caffeinated drinks, or drinking excessive alcohol before anal play.
Work Your Way Up
If you and your partner are ready to try anal sex for the first time, you want to avoid rushing into penetration. This can cause injuries and make the experience overwhelming and not pleasurable. Be sure to take the proper steps to ensure you and your partner feel safe and ready.
We should all know this: foreplay is nothing to roll your eyes at. Foreplay makes everything better, especially when trying a new sexual act. To build trust and comfort in a sexual environment, you want to feel relaxed and connected with your partner.
There are so many ways to practice foreplay, and at the end of the day, whatever makes you and your partner feel horny and comfortable may be the best choice.
You can start by stimulating other body parts, such as kissing or licking your partner’s neck, torso, or thighs. In addition to getting connected and in rhythm with your partner, this can help your whole body get on board.
To get your behind warmed up and ready for anal sex, you can give a nice, sensual butt massage to increase blood flow and stimulate the area before any insertion. Similarly, you can get your partner’s behind ready by using your tongue. Start with moving your tongue in circles around the rim of their anus, and escalate to penetrating with the tongue if both partners are comfortable.
Once you both have agreed that you’ve had enough foreplay, you can introduce anal penetration into the session. Once again, it is always good to start with a finger or two.
Just as we would recommend during a solo sesh, you must make sure the finger is properly lubed if you are about to penetrate your partner’s bum. You can start by massaging the rim of the anus with your finger until your partner tells you they are ready for you to insert it.
Once the lubed finger is inserted, you can make various motions (ones that you tried out during your solo sesh) and ask them what they like the best.
Before you move to the next step of penetration with a dildo or penis, you need to make sure both you and your partner are ready. Also, be sure to lube the dildo or penis extensively before penetrating.
There is no such thing as “too much lube.”
There's a long list of the best anal sex positions you can try, but doggy style, missionary, and spooning are best for your first time.
Practice breathing deeply as your partner inserts a quarter-inch at a time, and if you are the giver, check in with the receiver each time you go deeper. The slower you go and the more you practice deep breathing, the more relaxed your muscles may be, making the entire experience more enjoyable.
Once one partner has slowly and wholly entered the other partner, you can experiment with rhythms and strokes that feel good for you. However, if it's painful, stop. It's that simple. Anal sex should never be painful.
Also, it’s worthwhile to remember: if you're loving your partner licking or fingering your anus or using toys, there's no shame in stopping there. Do whatever is most enjoyable!
Keep It Hygenic
Anal hygiene is one of the most common concerns people have about anal play. However, there are a few easy steps to ensure the experience is hygienic. No need to stress!
Use a Towel
An easy way to help keep things clean is to put a towel down on the bed before you get started. It’ll stop your bed sheets from being stained and help collect any lube, body fluids, or fecal matter.
If anal play does get messy, the towel is there for you. After you've finished, fold your towel up and put it in the laundry.
Accidents happen during sex, and you should not feel any embarrassment or shame if things get a little messy. Having a towel on -hand can make for an easier clean-up and give you one less thing to worry about at the moment.
It might also be helpful to lay a towel down on your floor or nightstand. This way, you can put any used condoms or sex toys that were just used down on the towel and worry about them after the session.
If you are penetrating your partner with your finger and are particularly worried about it getting messy, you can use gloves. Although it may seem awkward or un-sexy to use gloves, there is nothing hotter than feeling comfortable and ready for play. You can even make a little roleplay out of it!
You can get a box of latex gloves at the drugstore, but they might be a little thick for some people. However, tattoo artists use thinner gloves than medical gloves, and they often come in black, which can look even hotter. You can find them online or potentially at your local tattoo shop.
You can also use this as an opportunity for dirty talk and extra foreplay. Watching your partner slide on a glove can be really hot. Make it sexy by telling your partner how much fun you’re about to have with them. Tell them that you can’t wait to get your hands on them. Turn it into a power play or whatever helps turn you on the most.
Pick an Entrance
If you are penetrating someone with a vagina, never take your dildo or penis from anal play directly into vaginal play. This can transfer bacteria, giving the receiver a UTI, bacterial vaginosis, or other vaginal health issues.
If you want to move from the bum to the vagina, change the condom you are using or clean off the lubricant, oil, or body fluid from the dildo or penis.
Anal sex cannot cause a pregnancy, so a condom is unnecessary for pregnancy prevention. However, condoms are crucial in avoiding the transmission of STIs, such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, hepatitis B and C, and syphilis.
If you are with a stranger or a partner who is not monogamous, use a condom! If you are in a monogamous relationship and you and your partner have tested clean for STIs, you may be able to practice unprotected anal sex, but there are still some risks involved.
As we have already discovered, if the receiver has a vagina and fluids are brought into the vagina from the anus, there's a significant risk the receiver could develop bacterial vaginosis post anal sex.
The easiest way to minimize this risk is to make sure your partner wears a condom, and have them take it off and put on a new one if you transition to vaginal sex. Also, if the giver is a penis owner, the anal play poses a small risk of the giver contracting a urinary tract infection. This can be prevented with a condom!
Lube is essential for maximum pleasure, whether you’re masturbating, having sex, or performing analingus. It can be highly uncomfortable whether you use a finger, toy, or penis for penetration if you aren’t properly lubed.
There are many types of lube to choose from, and it may seem overwhelming. For anal play, use a thick lube that lingers. However, since you’ll likely need to use a lot of lube for anal sex, you want something that you can quickly clean up and won’t stain any clothes or sheets.
Additionally, you don’t want to risk ruining any toys or condoms, so a water-based lube is best for anal sex.
It’s a lot to consider! Thankfully, we have a lube specifically for anal.
The Wicked Jelle Water Based Anal Lube addresses the specific needs of anal play — it’s viscous, long-lasting, and never sticky. This lube stays put and provides extra cushion and superior glide.
Skip the Numbing Cream
A lot of lubes that are targeted toward anal sex advertise special numbing effects or desensitizing additives. Stay away from these!
Although buying a lube that promises no discomfort sounds enticing, numbing lubes desensitizing agents won't let you know you’re overdoing it until after the fact.
Showing signs of discomfort is the body’s way of telling you to stop whatever you’re doing, and this is an essential signaling process to have during anal sex. If your body can’t recognize when it’s being hurt, it can lead to intense injuries that you won’t realize until after the lube wears off.
When the time comes to have anal sex with a partner, you should be emotionally and physically prepared if you've followed all of the above steps.
While it may seem like a lot to remember, everything can be summarized in two words: go slow. If you are new to anal sex, you don’t need to jump straight to penetration. You can start with massages or rim jobs and take your time until you are ready to work your way up to something else.
You don’t need to start using fast and hard strokes during penetration right away. Enter your partner slowly, and work your way up to motions that feel good.
You should never feel guilty for the pace you want to go if you are on the receiving end. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, and no one can enjoy anal play if the receiver is hurt or uncomfortable.
If you're on the giving end, pay attention to your partner so that you're on the same page. Take care to listen to and notice their non-verbal cues as well.
Aftercare is an essential part of every sexual experience. Aftercare happens during the time immediately following sex. This is when you should check in with your partner and try to meet any of their needs. Aftercare can look different for every couple, but most importantly, both partners feel supported and cared for.
This is also a great time to talk about the experience together. You can ask your partner what they liked, if there was anything they didn’t like, and what you can do differently next time.
Your partner may say that anal play is their new favorite sexual activity, or they don’t want to do it again. Whatever their answer is, you should respect their wishes and not push them to do anything they don’t want to do.
Aftercare can be as simple or elaborate as possible, but a simple check-in should be required after every sexual experience.
Go Slow Before You Go Big
Never in butt play history has anal sex been talked about actively and openly until now. Yet, there remains a ton of misguided information, negative stigma, and unprepped first-time experiences that deter many folx from adding anal sex to their pleasure menu.
Let GIDDI help you better understand and feel comfortable about anal sex that is too satisfying to pass up. With the proper knowledge and prep, we’ve got your backside covered.
Prostate‐induced orgasms: A concise review illustrated with a highly relevant case study - Levin - 2018 - Clinical Anatomy - Wiley Online Library
Couples' sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: A meta-analysis - PMC
The Best Diet for Digestion and Anal Sex! | Gay Male Journal