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What Does Gay Sex Feel Like? Man's Guide to Same-Sex Experiences
No matter how vanilla people may seem from the outside, everyone has an inner fantasy life. For some people, that may be a deep, hidden desire to be tied up or have a threesome (two of the most common fantasies, by the way!).
For others, it may be a sexual attraction to a gender they haven’t been able to be open about yet. If you’re someone with male anatomy who has been thinking about finally getting intimate with someone else with those same parts, we’re so proud of you!
Life is too short not to be exactly who you are. So what does gay sex feel like, and how can you make your first time the best experience possible? We’ve got your back.
What Is “Gay Sex?”
Sex is beautiful and diverse, especially if you stay open-minded. As long as you have consent and it’s legal, you’re free to do anything you want! Trying new things is the spice of life, and you’re never too old or inexperienced to widen your horizons.
When we talk about “gay sex” and answer questions like “what does gay sex feel like?” we’re really discussing intimacy that involves two people with penises. Some people refer to this as MSM (men who have sex with men) because it doesn’t attach a sexual orientation to the act.
The truth is, you don’t have to identify any specific way or put any labels on yourself or your partner to enjoy sex — some people aren’t ready for that, and others just don’t fit neatly into any specific box.
This article will focus mainly on anal play, although anal penetration isn’t a “required” part of gay intimacy. The essential part of any sexual situation is that you talk to your partner about your boundaries ahead of time and respect your partner’s boundaries as much as you expect them to respect yours.
Lube: The MVP of Gay Sex
Before we dive in, let’s start with the most important part of the conversation (other than consent, of course). When it comes to anal play of any kind, there really is no tool that is more important to keeping everything comfortable, safe, and pleasurable than lube.
But why is lube so non-negotiable?
If you’ve ever had sex with someone assigned female at birth, you’ve seen firsthand how the vagina can make its own natural lubrication. While plenty of things can get in the way, and lube is just as awesome for vaginal play and penetration, lube doesn’t always have to be a part of the equation.
The anus, though? Not quite as lucky. Try as much as you want; your anus isn’t going to self-lubricate — it just doesn’t have the right set-up. Luckily, plenty of lubes can give you the slip-and-slide you need to make anal play successful.
When choosing a lube, there are a few factors to keep in mind. The first is condom usage. If you’re having sex with a new partner, especially if either of you isn’t up-to-date on your STI testing, condoms are essential.
But not all lube is safe to use with condoms. For instance, oil-based lubes can increase the likelihood that a latex condom will tear or break with friction, putting you and your partner in a less-than-optimal situation. On the other hand, water-based lubes are generally safe to use with all types of condoms.
The other factor is any sexual aids you’re using during intimacy. If you’re planning on playing with butt plugs or trying out a prostate massager (which we very much recommend), you want to make sure your lube is compatible with its material. Silicone-based lubes may be great, but they can also contribute to the quicker breakdown of silicone-based sexual aids.
What Does Gay Sex Feel Like?
There’s no one way to describe gay sex — we’re all unique individuals whose bodies respond uniquely to sexual arousal. However, if we surveyed everyone who has had gay sex, we’d probably hear many of the same descriptors.
For starters, how gay sex will feel will depend on which end of it you’re on — if you’re the “giver” or the “receiver.” However, both sides of the spectrum (and those in the middle) have described gay sex as incredibly intense, pleasurable, and hot.
If you’re the “giver,” anal sex feels very similar to vaginal sex — just tighter. The muscles of the anal sphincter are more reactive to sensation and stimulation, and they react by clamping down (hint: this is another reason lube is so crucial).
If you’re the “receiver,” prepare for a new world of sensation! While penetration may be uncomfortable at first (don’t worry — it does get easier with practice), the anus is full of pleasurable nerve endings. People describe being penetrated as a feeling of “fullness,” followed by intense bursts of pleasure when you’re in the right spot.
Your experience with anal play will obviously vary, but having at least some idea of what to expect is helpful. For some people, that first gay sex experience will bring up a lot of emotions, especially if you’ve been in the closet for a long time.
Take some time to sit with those feelings, and don’t judge yourself, regardless of what comes up.
What Is the Prostate?
No answer to the question of “what does gay sex feel like?” would be complete without talking about arguably the most crucial piece of the puzzle — the prostate. The prostate has been lovingly called the “P-spot” because it possesses an orgasmic potential similar to the female G-spot.
The prostate is a small, walnut-sized gland located inside the body of a person assigned male at birth. It’s found a few inches inside the body, between the bladder and the rectum, at the base of the penis. When stimulated, many people can experience a prostate orgasm, which has been described as a full-body, toe-curling experience.
That’s not to say that prostate stimulation is for everyone. Some people are uncomfortable with the feeling, which has also been compared to needing to pee. Try it for yourself with a vibrating prostate massager and see if you like it — if you don’t, no harm, no foul!
How Do I Explore Anal Play?
Okay, stop what you’re doing and take a big, deep breath. We know the idea of anal play, and especially anal sex can be kind of scary and intimidating.
We’ve all been there, and trust us when we say no one feels super comfortable their first time. It’s like being a virgin all over again, after all!
But don’t worry; we’ll walk you through everything you need to know so you can be as prepared as possible.
Try It Solo
If there’s one tip we’d love for you to take away from this, trying anything solo you plan to later do with a partner is just as crucial as studying before a big exam. You wouldn’t enter your final or an important job interview unprepared, right? Why would you want to do that in your sex life?
Flying solo, at least a time or two, can help you gain confidence and feel less anxious when the big day rolls around. You’ll have a much better idea of what it feels like and what works for your body, so you can share that with your partner and help them be more successful too!
But how do you start? We recommend getting comfortable with your anatomy first.
Start by taking a few minutes for hand-focused self-care — trim and file your nails down (you don’t want anything that can potentially scratch or cut you) and wash your hands. Sure, the anal area isn’t the most naturally clean, but you don’t want to introduce anything else to the equation!
Once your hands are clean, grab your lube! Remember, any time you put anything into your anus, lube is necessary. Take your time learning about your body — what it feels like when you touch the outside of your anus, how it feels when you insert a finger into your anus, etc.
You may notice two layers of muscle there — an external sphincter (the one closest to the outside of the body, which can be consciously relaxed) and an internal sphincter (further inside your anus, which is unable to be controlled at will).
Remember, never use force. Let your body relax before moving forward.
Try Out a Prostate Massager
Once you feel comfortable with manual anal stimulation (AKA using your fingers), you may want to graduate to using a prostate massager. Remember what we said about the mind-blowing orgasmic potential of the prostate? Prostate massagers are an easy way for you to find and access the right spot — with or without a partner.
There are plenty of vibrating and rotating prostate massager options to choose from, depending on what you’re looking for. If it’s your first time using one, you may want to look for a smaller option (or one that is less “girthy”) or one that has a remote control so you can have both hands free to keep it in place. Regardless, make sure that you don’t skimp on the lube!
As excited as you might be, don’t rush the process. Go slowly, and only advance the prostate massager once your body has adjusted.
If it hurts at any point, pause for a moment or stop entirely. You may want to use it without movement or vibration for the first few times until you get used to the feeling.
Once you’re done, don’t forget to wash your prostate massager before putting it away!
How To Have Gay Sex
You’re comfortable with your body, you know what you want, and you’re ready to share that with a partner. Now what?
There’s good news! Now that you have a better answer to “what does gay sex feel like?” and have experimented some by yourself, you can take everything you’ve learned about yourself and apply it to partnered sex.
The only difference between anal play by yourself and with a partner is that you have to consider someone else’s preferences, emotions, and boundaries.
Before you get naked, ensure you’ve talked to your partner about your STI status and whether or not you’ll be using condoms. Remember, latex condoms don’t work well with oil-based lubes (stick with water-based ones!)
Just like with solo anal play, the key is to go slow. Even if you’re super hot and bothered, you can’t just throw caution to the wind and skip steps — you have to ease into it.
Start with lots of foreplay and an abundant amount of lube to get your mind and body on the same page. Use your fingers (or have your partner use their fingers) on the person’s anus, who will be on the receiving end, to get everything loose and warmed up.
Once you’re both ready, you can move on to more penetration (as long as you’ve both consented to it). Use the same process as you did with your fingers, moving slowly and only pressing forward once your body (or your partner’s body) has adjusted. Keep an open line of communication the whole time so that you can continually give feedback on what is and isn’t working.
After you’re both finished, take some time to talk about your experiences (and cuddle — aftercare is also essential)! This can only make your connection and your further sexual encounters even better.
In Summary
What does gay sex feel like? It depends on what you’re into and what role you take! Whether you’re the “giver” or the “receiver” (or want to experience both sides of the coin), having sex with someone else with a penis can be a mind-blowing, orgasmic, incredibly fulfilling experience.
All it takes is an open mind, a little practice, and a willingness to try something new. Stick with GIDDI for all your tips — for the first time, the last time, and every time between.
Sources:
Testing for and the role of anal and rectal sensation | PubMed