Sexting has been around since the dawn of the internet — it was one of the first things people did when connecting online (we’re looking at you, chatrooms). But now that everyone sexts, it can be hard to think of something unique, hot, and creative to say.
That’s why we’re here with an ultimate guide for how to start sexting: you can drive your partner wild without needing to get off your couch.
What Is Sexting?
Sexting is the mashup term for sex texting. When you sext, you send flirty, sexual messages to your partner, although what’s in those messages varies depending on your sexting style.
While some people sext on a bare-bones level to pump up the sexual tension for their next real-life encounter, others (especially people in long-distance relationships) use sexting as a form of intimacy to improve their love life.
Regardless of how they sext, more than half of the people surveyed said they do it, and we’re willing to bet this number is on the low side! It’s one of the most common ways people get sexual (plus, there’s zero risk of STIs!).
Nudes can also be included in the sexting conversation, but they’re not necessary to have a hot sexting session — although they are usually very much appreciated!
Why Consent Is Important, Even With Sexting
With all that said, we’ve all been victims of a random, unsolicited nude pic — it doesn’t feel good. That’s why getting consent first is essential, even if you’ve been in a long-term, monogamous relationship with your partner.
Seem strange? Here’s a possible scenario for you.
Imagine sitting at home, turned on, but your partner is still at work. You’re looking good, posing just right, and send that naughty picture along with a description of precisely what you plan to do to them when they get home. Sounds good so far, right?
Unfortunately, your partner is screen sharing during a big office meeting. Instead of their presentation, your nude picture pops up for everyone to see. This super mortifying and potentially illegal event could have been avoided by just making sure your partner is in a place to receive sexts before sending them.
Just like dirty talk IRL, sexting isn’t for everyone! Work meetings aside, some people aren’t comfortable with giving or receiving sexts. Talking to your partner about their boundaries — not just if they’re okay with sexting, but what type of sexting conversations and nudes they’re open to. Consent is crucial before sending anything for the first time (and every time after that).
How Do I Start Sexting?
Got consent? Know your (and your partner’s) boundaries? It’s time to dig into how to start sexting!
Sexting can feel awkward, even though it’s just text messages. Trust us; everyone feels awkward the first few times they send a sext!
However, there are zero expectations. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, talk to your partner about it. They may feel the same way but aren’t sure how to bring it up either!
An excellent place to start sexting is by describing how you feel! You don’t have to write a romance novel or some profound, flowery prose — stick with a bit of sexual mindfulness and talk just about what’s going on at that moment.
How does your body feel? What are you thinking about?
You can even treat yourself to some foreplay! Light a candle, pour yourself a glass of wine (or take a shot of whiskey if that’s more your thing), dim the lights, and remove any potential distractions.
Maybe pull out your prostate massager or sex toy and get yourself in the mood; sexting is always better when you’re turned on! Plus, it can help further reduce any awkward feelings you may have during this new sexual experience.
Need some icebreakers? Here are a few sexting examples to get you started:
- I’m thinking about your body right now.
- I’m so turned on.
- I’m lying here imagining your hands on me.
- I really wish you were here right now.
- I’m so hard.
- I can’t stop thinking about last night.
It doesn’t have to be wordy as long as it conveys the message that you’re in the mood and ready to talk about it. Even just a quick “wanna mess around?” can flip the switch.
You can also take the convo to the next level by including emojis or gifs. Some classic emojis to start with are the eggplant, the peach, the splash, and any facial expressions fit your mood.
Once you’ve started the conversation, the next step in how to start sexting is to elaborate! Treat sexting like an actual sexual encounter. Describe what it would feel like if it were really happening and what you would be doing next.
Another way to keep things hot while learning about what your sexting partner likes and what turns them on is to ask questions while you’re sexting. This is also a great option if you feel you’ve run out of things to say and need a little prompting (it happens to all of us!).
Here are a couple of examples of sexting questions:
- What do you want me to do to you?
- What would you do to me if you were here right now?
- How do you want me to touch you?
- Do you like that?
You can even be more specific and ask them to tell you what they’re thinking about or how it feels when they touch themselves.
Be Open and Supportive
We are absolutely not saying you have to cross your boundaries to learn how to sext, but sexting can also give you some insight into what your partner may not have been brave enough to tell you yet. Try to be open-minded when they’re talking about what they want you to do to them — after all, it’s the perfect way to dip your toes in without having to do any of it physically! If you like it, you can always try it out in person.
And remember, sexting is awkward for everyone. Your partner may say something that sounds silly, but be supportive! Chances are they’re trying to turn you on just as hard as you try to turn them on.
Making fun of them for their word choices or teasing them will make them put a wall up, so try to avoid saying anything negative.
Sexting doesn’t always have to be real-life stuff! Are there any role-play scenarios that you or your partner have wanted to try? Sexting allows you to explore kinks and role-play situations a little more slowly, helping you decide whether you want to take them into the real world.
Plus, it can be fun to sext with a different persona! If you’re new to sexting, taking on a personality can bypass some of the awkwardness — after all, you’re not texting as you; you’re texting as the boss (or any other role you’ve always wanted to try out).
Even if you do decide to stick to real-life scenarios, roleplay is still a great way to dial up the tension. You can sext with your partner about touching certain body parts, how it feels to masturbate while thinking of them, or even how it made you feel the last time you hooked up together.
Use Hands-Free Sexual Aids
Instead of trying to type one-handed, invest in sexual aids (like the Vulcan Vibrating Prostate Plug) that can be used hands-free. The Vulcan has two flexible rings, one around the penis and the other around the scrotum.
With the prostate plug in place, you can use the wireless, rechargeable remote control to change the vibrational settings and bring you the exact type of pleasure you’re looking for without holding it in place.
If you want a prostate massager that you can use hands-free without the rings, try the Thor. The Thor has a 360-degree rotating head and 16 powerful vibration modes, but it is slightly more girthy than the Vulcan (so use plenty of lube and go slow). The Thor also comes with a remote control so you can focus on what really matters — sending the sexiest texts you can come up with!
Tell Them When You Finish
It can be much harder to end a sexting session than in-person sexual activity. After all, it’s much more obvious when you and your partner finish when you’re all sweaty and wrapped up in each other.
To help, tell them when you finish! You can even let them know ahead of time — “Oh my god, I’m so close” or “I’m going to finish” works just fine. That way, it’s not a surprise, and gives them time to get on the same page.
To Send Nudes or Not To Send Nudes
Nudes (or suggestive pictures of any kind) are not a mandatory part of learning how to sext. The question of whether or not to send nudes is one only you can answer. However, if you decide to just full-send and consensually share your nudes with your partner, we want you to send the best pics possible!
Set the Scene
You may be the super hottest person in the world, but taking your nudes by the toilet or in a messy bedroom will detract from your natural beauty. Take a few minutes to decide where to take them, and then clean up any clutter or distractions.
The bed, the bathtub, the couch, and the kitchen are all great places to take nudes, but feel free to get creative! Think about what you’re wearing, too!
Nudes don’t have to mean you’re fully nude — a suggestive pic wearing your partner’s shirt can be just as hot as one where you’re totally naked. Listen to your comfort level; you can always do a strip tease series!
Think About Lighting
We’re not saying you have to invest in some high-tech lighting scenario (although there are some pretty cheap ring lights), but pay attention to your lighting. If you’ve ever tried to take a picture under fluorescent lighting, you already know how much of a difference it can make.
Try to keep the light in front of your body; natural light is always best (just make sure you’re not accidentally flashing the neighbors!). Try keeping your camera open and moving in a circle to find your best light.
Angles, Angles, Angles
We’ve come a long way with angles, but finding the ones that help you look the best can still be tricky. Although we don’t want you to do the full millennial selfie angle where you hold your phone way above your body, you will naturally look better if your phone is at a little angle.
Plus, it’s easy to get your whole body in the shot that way. Play around with your angles when you’re not trying to send a nude and see how you look best, which may change depending on what part of your body you’re trying to highlight!
Try a Mirror Selfie
Mirror selfies can definitely be cringe-worthy in certain situations (ahem, dating profiles), but they can also add an even higher level of hotness to a nude picture.
Start by cleaning your mirror. It takes a few seconds, but who wants to look at a naughty picture in a dirty, water-stained mirror? Grab that window cleaner and wipe it down before stripping your clothes off.
A Quick Note About the Permanence of Sending Nudes
Before you hit send, remember that everything you send someone else has the potential to be permanent. You may feel great and trust your partner 100%, but things can change.
You may delete them from your phone, but they’re still sitting on their partner’s phone unless they decide to delete them, too (plus, there’s the cloud).
Although revenge porn is illegal, that doesn’t always stop people from sharing photos (especially after a breakup). Just make sure that you fully trust the person you’re sending them to, and don’t send them if you feel uncomfortable or if you are feeling pressured.
To Wrap Up
Learning to sext doesn’t have to be complicated or require an advanced degree in communications. When you lean into the temporary awkwardness, go with the flow, and keep an open mind, you can add a whole new dimension to your sex life.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, sexting can also help you feel closer than ever — and keep that spark alive regardless of how far away from each other you are!