Of all the bedroom activities that still hold a certain level of intimidation or confusion, pegging is often one of them. Some of the common questions include:
- How can partners introduce pegging in the bedroom?
- Can cis women only peg their cis male boyfriends?
- How does it work?
- Will it really feel good for the receiver?
- Will my partner judge me for bringing it up?
- Does pegging make me gay?
It’s totally understandable to have these questions floating through your head as you consider bringing pegging into your life for the first time.
But with all the changes that have been happening in the world today, it’s time to ditch the stigma of taboo and promote safe, educational guidance for this totally normal and exciting sexual endeavor. But first, let’s discuss the basics.
What Even is Pegging?
Pegging can be broken down into two simple parts: a strap-on and anal sex. A strap-on is a sex toy that allows a person to wear a dildo or prostate massager so that they can penetrate their partner hands-free.
Basically, the term “pegging” is a fancy word for anal sex, because the person wearing the strap on does not have a penis, but uses a similar stand-in.
Who Can Peg?
Short answer: anyone and everyone! Many people still mistakenly assume that if a straight man enjoys being penetrated, it makes him gay – it doesn’t.
There are no rules as to who can enjoy the feeling of being penetrated from behind. If you are a person who is usually penetrated during sexual activity, it might feel exhilarating to be the giver during sex.
Anal pleasure for straight men has always been a taboo, partly due to the misguided, patriarchal idea of emasculation. Similarly, if you are usually the penetrator in your sex life, being penetrated could feel extremely freeing and exciting. After all, letting gender roles get in the way of mind-blowing prostate orgasms might seem a little bit silly, doesn’t it?
Pegging is a wonderful way to flip the script and try something that your body anatomy might not otherwise allow.
Not to mention all the prostate pleasure and wellness benefits!
So read on, brave explorer!
Why Would I Want Pegging as Part of My Sex Life?
If you were naturally born with a penis, you may be shocked to find out that other parts of your body can lead to an orgasm. The prostate, which is located just inside the rectum, is highly sensitive and can lead to an orgasm if it is stimulated. In fact, data suggests that prostate orgasms may even be more powerful and pleasurable than penile-induced orgasms!
There’s even a Harvard study that claims increased ejaculation can lead to reduced risk of prostate cancer! There’s no better way to increase ejaculation than with prostate stimulation.
Besides the physical pleasure elements of pegging, it can just be a fun opportunity to try something new. This can be a new adventure for you and your partner to explore and switch up the power dynamics in your relationship.
Breaking the norms of sexual routine can be very sexy.
How Do I Introduce This To My Partner?
Now that you are curious or sold on exploring prostate pleasure, it may be time to bring it up to your partner.
Sometimes telling your partner you want something new in the bedroom can be intimidating, especially if they have never heard of it. But now is the time to truly rely on the trust and love you and your partner have built together.
You’ll never know what they really think unless you talk to them about it!
Talk It Out
In all aspects of a relationship, but especially in this situation, communication is key! If mentioning your interest in pegging seems too intimidating, first remove yourself from the situation.
You can mention to your partner that you saw pegging or anal sex in porn, you saw someone talking about it on Twitter, or you remembered a friend mentioning they entered the butt-play territory.
After sparking that convo, it gives your partner the safe space to share their experience with the subject.
Maybe they already have experience in some form of pegging and you never knew!
Or maybe they have always wanted to explore the same things as you, but they have been too nervous to bring it up.
Studies have even shown that positive, open sexual communication was associated with an increase in sexual desire, sexual arousal, lubrication, orgasms, less discomfort, and overall sexual function. So what are you waiting for? Time to start talking!
Do Some Research Together
If your partner is initially nervous about the idea because they have never explored anal play, then it’s time to hit the books (and by books, we obviously mean your laptop).
To start, it might be beneficial to watch some porn together that includes anal play or pegging.
Not only is watching porn together a great way to build intimacy and start a conversation about sexual desires, it can be a great tool to introduce a new activity to your partner.
After watching porn together, be sure to check in with them and see how they feel about it.
Start Small
If your partner is hesitant to put on a strap-on and penetrate you from behind, you can always start small!
You obviously should not pressure your partner to do anything they don’t want to do, but if you offer a smaller step, maybe they may be more open to it.
For example, during sex, you can ask your partner to use their lubed finger to stimulate the rim of your anus and your prostate. This will also be beneficial for the receiver because the tissues in that area are sensitive. Going straight to pegging without warming up the area properly might lead to tearing.
Get the Right Tools
After talking it through and starting small, it might be time to get the proper tools to help you on your pegging journey.
While you are searching for tools, you might even come to realize that there are so many other options besides a typical dildo on a harness.
Prostate massagers are a wonderful option because not only are they designed to hit the prostate, they vibrate which will provide an extra pleasurable sensation.
Check out all the options for couples who are ready to embark on the next, exciting step in their sex life. Just be sure to properly lube the rectum before penetration, and be kind to your behind!
Don’t Stress About a Mess
Butt play doesn’t have to be a big deal. It might get a little messy and that is perfectly normal! So prepare for extra clean-up if necessary. Don’t stress about a potential mess!
There are a lot of new things to consider when introducing pegging: the person being
penetrated should watch their food and water intake for 24 hours prior to anal play.
The anus doesn’t self-lubricate the same way that vulvas do, so it’s essential to use lube. Lots of lube! However, water-based lubricants may stain the sheets and carpets.
But no worries, it’s far less likely to leave a permanent stain. Toss your sheets or clothes in the wash like you normally would and prepare for a stress-free life of stain-free textiles.
Talk It Out — Again
Because this might be new to one or both of you, be sure to keep the subject light. You don’t want to scare your partner into doing it. And you definitely don’t want this new activity to be scary or frustrating.
Meanwhile, the person penetrating needs to figure out what movements feel the best for both parties.
However, there’s no need to feel nervous or embarrassed by any of this. If you are in a safe, supportive relationship, you can rely on each other for communication before and after play.
Talking about what you both did and did not like, and maybe even laughing about what went wrong, will deepen the connection and intimacy you two share.
Sex, in any way you do it, requires patience, consent, and communication.
Spice Up Your Sex Life
Pegging may not be for everyone, but it might be a fun way to spice up your sex life. After all, it seems to have pleasurable and progressive consequences.
Don’t forget, at the end of the day, confidence can take you far. You may even be surprised that your partner actually wants to try pegging too!
However, if you present this idea to your partner in an ashamed or embarrassed way, they might feel embarrassed about it too!
Questions of sexuality, embarrassment attached to cleanliness, and shame keep so many people from exploring the pleasures of prostate stimulation – don’t let yourself be one of them!
If you're confident in your desires and include your partner in the fantasy, your partner will most likely join your interest in pegging.
Also, if you are ready to explore prostate stimulation in addition to or without pegging, there are so many other ways to do it!
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Sources:
Couples' sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: A meta-analysis | NIH